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English custard tarts and up in arms in London

English custard tarts

I was in a queue on a London bus last week, behind a woman asking the bus driver for complicated directions to an obscure destination. All-in-all, she seemed very needy direction-wise, and was determined to contradict everything the patient driver said in his perfect, charmingly accented English.

She finally huffed and puffed her way to a seat, muttering that she still didn’t know where she was going. She grabbed me as I looked for a seat and asked if I could help. She said ‘why don’t they employ English people? I’m not from around here (meaning she was from Brexitland) and I couldn’t understand a word he said because of his accent’.

A red rag to a bull

I told her that I had understood every word he’d said, despite being behind her, and when she insisted that he hadn’t been speaking English properly and that I should help her, I said: ‘No I can’t help you. I have a strict ‘I don’t help racists’ policy.’

The irony was, the person to finally take her in hand, and show her where to get off the bus was a Polish lady (with an accent).

Another thing that made hiss and spit (I’m really selling myself here) was the number of people I saw carrying their dogs in baby wrap slings. I mean WTAF? They weren’t carrying handicapped or injured dogs, or even unvaccinated puppies; these were fully-functioning canines equipped with the requisite four legs and a tail.

My brain and my mouth often have separate agendas: while it was very challenging to prevent my mouth from snarling sarcasm and abuse, my brain has been feeling guilty ever since for never having carried Java around in a scarf…

Despite the various sources of irritation, I rediscovered these English custard tarts during my trip. I used to love them as a child, and the ones I ate last week didn’t disappoint!

Recipe for English Custard Tart (serves 6)

For the shortcrust pastry:

  • 110g flour
  • Pinch of salt
  • 50g butter, cut into squares
  • Cold water

For the custard filling:

  • 400ml single cream
  • 1 teaspoon butter
  • 3 large eggs
  • 40g sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • Whole nutmeg, grated

To make the shortcrust pastry:

Sift the flour and salt into a bowl. Next add the butter to the bowl and, with a knife, cut into smaller pieces into the flour. Then rub the butter into the flour using your fingertips until the mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle roughly a tablespoon of water into the mixture and gradually start to form a dough ball, first of all using a spoon, then your fingers. If the mixture is too dry and isn’t forming a ball, add a drop more water. Place the pastry in a plastic bag and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

When you’re ready to roll out the pastry, prepare a tart tin and then line with the pastry. I used separate tins to make mini tarts, but you could also use a larger one. Cover the pastry with greaseproof paper and fill with dry beans and bake in a preheated oven for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven, remove the beans and greaseproof paper and cook for a further 10 minutes.

To make the custard filling:

Place the cream and butter in a saucepan and bring it up to a gentle simmer, then whisk the eggs and sugar together. Pour the hot creamy liquid over the beaten eggs, add the vanilla extract and half the freshly grated nutmeg and whisk briefly again. Pour the filling into the tart case and grate the rest of the nutmeg all over. Bake in the oven for 40 minutes, or until the filling is just set in the centre.

4 Comments

  • kristenann

    I love your policy to not help racists~ good for you! I haven’t seen too many of the dogs in baby wraps but I have noticed an uptick in dogs in strollers around here. I used to only see old or injured dogs in strollers, but now it seems like all sorts of dogs get the option of walking or riding when they want~ there will often be a ball and throwing thingy hanging off the stroller so clearly the dogs are ok. Go figure. Rediscovering the tart sounds like it was worth the trip!

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