I have become victim to relentless persecution by small electronic devices. I was awoken at 4am yesterday morning by the fire alarm helpfully informing me: ‘ba-tt-er-y lowwww, ba-tt-er-y lowwww, please replace the ba-tt-er-y’ (and repeat). After three years’ blissfully silent cooperation, could the battery not have waited another couple of hours? Try finding batteries while you’re half asleep and can’t turn on the lights for fear of waking everyone up and also being attacked by unusually pugnacious mosquitos. This morning, Léo’s electric toothbrush sprung into vigorous and totally unsolicited action at 5am. It vibrated itself off the edge of the sink only to jaunt across the tiled floor towards the bedroom; pure evil (at such an antisocial hour) and hyperactive to boot. I lay in bed fuming, planning ever-spriralling retribution (leaving it to rot in a large glass of substandard cola, tearing out its bristles one-by-one, throwing it against the wall…) while it gained ground. I ended up having to go outside to dispose of it in a dustbin in the grange because it just wouldn’t pipe down. How mad is that? Resorting to moonlit dustbin visits because a toothbrush has got the better of you. And as if alarm and toothbrush angst aren’t enough, my ipad spent the day randomly blurting music from the ’70s. I think I’m going to have to apply myself to that problem though because I’m not throwing my ipad in the bin.
Ingredients (serves 4)
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 salmon filets (about 180g each)
1 small red onion, finely sliced
I chilli pepper, sliced (optional)
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 fresh figs, sliced
1 tablespoon honey
Preheat the oven to 200°C. Drizzle the olive oil into a shallow baking dish, coating the salmon on both sides and place the filets skin side down in the dish. Add the sliced red onion, chilli pepper and Worcestershire sauce and season to taste. Finally place the sliced figs over the filets and spoon the honey over the top. Cook for 12 minutes, or until the salmon is cooked in the middle. Delicious served with perhaps green beans or a salad, but definitely with all small electronic devices in the ‘off’ position.