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Mussels ‘marinières’ and a Christmas present from Java
Java and I were out on a little jaunt this weekend when Java found a dead wood pigeon. To be honest, I’m surprised she even saw it because I don’t think that her eyesight is quite what it might be; she often mistakes objects and also does this funny cross-eyed thing. Being a perfect gentledog, I offered to carry it home for her, but she was quite stubborn in her desire to hang on to it, even though she had to stop every few metres because it was almost as big as her. When we finally got back home, which took a while because Java has neither my staying power nor my common sense when it comes to carrying things, Bossy took one look and shrieked. What is with Bossy and her shrill screams when we give her presents? And no, there won’t be a recipe for wood pigeon to follow because Bossy and her delicate constitution insisted that we give it to the neighbour, saying she wanted nothing to do with plucking pigeons. As for Java, she was spitting out feathers all evening in a most unladylike way. I think next time she’ll let me take care of the transport.
I don’t like mussels much, except obviously my own masculine dog ones. Java seems quite keen to chew the shells though – maybe she’s teething.
Mussels are surprisingly good for you. Not only are they a high quality complete protein, they are also a rich source of vitamin B12, manganese, iron, iodine and vitamin C.
Ingredients (serves 4)
2 kg fresh mussels
30g butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 shallots, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
4 sprigs fresh thyme
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
150ml dry white wine (Muscadet is excellent)
Wash the mussels in cold running water making sure to remove any grit or sand. Discard any that float or any that are already open. Heat the butter and oil in a large saucepan over a low heat. Add the shallots and garlic and cook for a few minutes until softened. Add the mussels and coat well with the melted butter, oil and shallots. Add the herbs and seasoning and then the wine. Bring to a simmer and cook for about five minutes until the mussels have opened. Eat immediately, preferably with French fries cooked in duck fat. -
Chicken risotto and scary toys
I feel acutely embarrassed on Java’s behalf telling you this story, but needs must. A few weeks ago, a kind friend gave us some stuffed toys. Obviously I don’t play with toys because I’m fully-developed and mature, not an emotional car crash like some. So I gallantly left them all to ‘some’. She seemed to quite enjoy them at first, but soon became terrified after trying to ‘kill’ one of them with her dainty little girl teeth. Its insides spewed out all over her bed, traumatising her so much that she wouldn’t go near the bed after that, even once Bossy had tidied up. Of course this meant that she ended up on my bed and I had to decamp to the couch because she snores like a steam train. In an attempt to regain my bed, I tried to explain that she hadn’t really killed the toys because they weren’t alive in the first place and their ‘innards’ were only stuffing, but her dippiness has hidden depths and she wasn’t to be consoled. One thing I’ve noticed is that dogs with very long names – Java’s full name is Java de la Croix de Ganelon – are often the most irretrievably dippy. I’m just plain old Hugo, which speaks volumes don’t you think?
Ingredients (serves 4)
1 tablespoon olive oil or ghee
1 onion, chopped
1 shallot, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
6 mushrooms, sliced
400g rice (I used basmati)
50ml white wine
Se salt and freshly ground black pepper
½ teaspoon saffron
½ teaspoon turmeric
½ teaspoon paprika
2 tomatoes, blanched, peeled and chopped
1 litre chicken or vegetable stock
200g frozen peas
100g bacon, cooked and sliced
400g leftover chicken
50g parmesan, grated
Heat the oil or ghee in a large frying pan and brown the onions, shallot, mushrooms and garlic until soft. Add the rice and stir well until it is all coated with oil, then add the wine and simmer until reduced. Add the seasoning and tomatoes and then about a quarter of the stock and leave to simmer, stirring until the stock has been absorbed. Add the peas and continue adding stock and stirring until the rice is almost cooked. Add the bacon and chicken, stirring well. Once the bacon and chicken are completely heated through and the rice is cooked, remove from the heat and add the grated parmesan, stirring until melted.
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Spicy carrot cake and a ladies’ horse
I don’t really understand girls. I thought I did, but I don’t. Océane (the only mare of the four horses), took an instant, irrational dislike to Bijou (the four-year-old with a ditch problem) when he first arrived. In fact, she was so aggressive and unpleasant that he ended up covered with tooth and hoof marks and they had to be separated. Yesterday, having spent the whole previous night loudly whinnying for her long-lost love, she barged her way through the electric fence (which made The Tall One very cross) and hasn’t left his side since. At one point, Bijou, in an attempt to free himself from her neediness, jumped out of the field. This sent her positively hysterical and she bucked and called after him until he’d been rounded up and returned to her side. Still, at least with all her silliness I added a new word to my already fairly extensive vocabulary: Fickle.
Which brings me to Java. Having once been absolutely terrified of horses (or the ‘gigantic dogs’ as she calls them, bless her) she now chases Bijou around the field until she manages to grab his tail between her teeth. Then she doesn’t let go until he’s galloping faster than she can run, which, although it pains me to say it, is pretty fast. It exhausts me just watching them. So what is it with the girls and Bijou? He must have hidden powers of seduction, although I fail to see how he can be more charming than me…
I assume that this carrot cake must be for the horses; they’re the only ones silly enough to eat a cake made with carrots and apples. I’m not a fan obviously, but according to everyone else it is very tasty.
Ingredients (serves 16)
250ml olive oil
175g cane sugar
4 eggs
250g carrots, grated
100g apple, grated
100g ground almonds
150g spelt flour (or wheat flour)
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
Pinch of salt
1 level teaspoon garam masala (or allspice)
1 level teaspoon ground ginger
75g raisins pre-soaked in rum
100g walnuts, chopped
Grease and prepare a medium-size cake tin and preheat the oven to 180°C. Place the oil and sugar in a mixing bowl and beat well. Add the eggs and continue to beat until the mixture becomes pale in colour. Add the grated apple and carrots to the mix and then fold in the almonds, flour, bicarbonate of soda, baking powder, seasoning and spices. Lastly stir in the raisins and walnuts and transfer to the cake tin. Bake for 50 minutes, or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. -
Cream of porcini soup and dog day trips
Immediately following The Ditch Fiasco, Hugo was very solicitous and insisted on staying by my side at all times. This was very sweet, but a bit of a logistical nightmare when it came to showers etc. After a little while though, the novelty of me not moving anywhere very fast wore off and he began to search for new horizons. Deciding that Luc’s porcini hunts were a poor substitute for long hikes, Hugo took matters into his own paws by organising vigorous ‘sorties’ every morning to our neighbours’ house a kilometre away. This was a sly plan for two reasons: Their cats hadn’t yet eaten their food (which he gallantly saw to) and his coming home either entailed a horse being saddled up to accompany him, or his absolute favourite – a car trip. I’ve managed to curtail the visits for the moment with the promise of short walks and Java’s electric collar. Why is it I seem to specialise in errant, insubordinate animals?
We have had more porcini than ever this year. I think that the combination of a hot Indian Summer and just the right amount of rain have made for ideal growing conditions. Porcini soup sounds very decadent, but less so when you’re finding several kilos a day.
Ingredients (serves 4)
300g fresh porcini mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
30g butter
2 shallots, peeled and sliced
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 medium size potato, peeled and cubed
2 tablespoons parsley, chopped
10ml white wine
Sea salt and freshly-ground black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
750ml chicken or vegetable stock
50ml single cream
Place the mushrooms, butter, shallots and garlic in a large saucepan, heat gently and leave to ‘sweat’ for about five minutes. Add the potato and parsley and cook for another couple of minutes. Add the white wine and seasoning and then the stock. Bring to a gentle simmer and leave to cook for a further 20 minutes. Remove from the heat, add the cream and blend. -
Spaghetti alla vodka and dogs on ditches
Hello everyone! Due to Broken Bossy’s temporary incapacitation I have taken on many extra responsibilities, including cooking and writing today’s blog. Obviously I’m quite exhausted, but BB is progressing very well, although she had a bit of a cold which caused her to utter eye-wateringly naughty words every time she sneezed. Still, on the bright side, at least she lost her voice for a bit which, believe me, had not been adversely affected by the accident. I don’t consult with Java on many subjects as I don’t ever believe she can contribute to my overflowing fountain of wisdom and knowledge, but I did ask her recently what she thought about the ditch incident. We are both completely flummoxed as to all the fuss and bother involved. How could you possibly hurt yourself so badly falling into one in the first place, and how could it take so long and involve so many people to get out? Java and I are in and out of ditches all day without so much as a blink of an eye, but Bossy? Not so; one little ditch visit and it’s pandemonium followed by wheelchair, crutches and an onslaught of barked commands for the next six weeks. I really don’t know why humans think they’re superior – they’re so fragile! I’m just glad to be a tough, ditch-smart dog.
I’m not an expert at cooking for humans so we’re eating lots of things from the freezer, which seems to be packed full of bags of tomato sauce. If you already have a good tomato sauce, this recipe is very easy and I thought that the vodka content might help with BB’s pain a bit!
Ingredients (serves 4)
250g spaghetti (I used spelt spaghetti)
Pinch of sea salt
300g fresh tomato sauce
75ml vodka
75ml cream
Grated Parmesan and freshly-ground black pepper for serving
Cook the pasta in salted water according to the instructions. Add the tomato sauce and vodka to a medium saucepan and heat for a few minutes, stirring well, until the mixture begins to reduce. Add the cream, stir to combine and then reduce heat and leave to simmer very gently for a few minutes. Combine the drained pasta and sauce and toss to mix well. Sprinkle on the Parmesan, grind on the pepper and serve.
This recipe has been submitted to the ‘Pasta Please Challenge’, hosted by Supper in the Suburbs and Tinned Tomatoes. -
Barbecue sauce and fried neurones
My nerves have taken a hit this week. Léo, in a bid to make up for lost time after finally having his plaster cast removed, thought that running with bulls, swinging from trees on ropes and bumper cars would all be excellent rehabilitation techniques. His schemes, each more horrifying than the last, had me rushing to enquire about the possibility of having hand brakes and airbags installed on the horses.
Java befriended a hedgehog and has a permanently bloody nose as a result. Without wishing to cast aspersions, I think she’s yet to make the link between her bleeding nose and new-found love. Even the eminently wise Hugo has become self-appointed Inspector of Wasp Nests and has a nasty sting above his eye to show for it. It seems that the long-lasting extreme heat has got to us all – hopefully our neurones will fall back into place in the next few days, although I’m not holding my breath…
I made this barbecue chicken dish for Léo’s birthday – he’s a big fan. It is made with fresh tomato sauce which makes it relatively healthy, and it’s deliciously tangy. I cooked it in the oven, but I’m sure it would be excellent barbecued too.
Ingredients (serves 4-6)
150ml fresh tomato sauce
100ml apple cider vinegar
Dash of worcester sauce
50g cane sugar
3 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Preheat the oven to 200°C. Combine the ingredients in a small saucepan and simmer for about five minutes, or until the sauce begins to thicken. Coat the chicken and cook for about 25 minutes or until the coating begins to caramelise. -
Banana tart and rabbits might fly
I think that Java might have experienced what we psychologists refer to as a psychotic break. Being surrounded by creatures – human and animal – of questionable sanity, I recently felt the need to go on a course, which is how I am in a position to say this. I’m not sure whether I should mention my diagnosis to Bossy or not; she thinks Java’s just an adorable scatterbrain and I don’t really want to be the one to break the bad news. Anyway, Java spends hours every morning and every evening gazing at baby rabbits with her head cocked and one foot in the air. She looks, frankly, more than a little bit foolish, and that’s being charitable. I mean, she’s a hunting dog so you’d think she’d try to catch them instead of staring at them gormlessly. I know that she’s bred to hunt birds, but it’s still very odd. I think that she’s probably waiting for them to spread their wings and fly away, but in view of the fact that they’re rabbits, that’s just not going to happen. I don’t put her straight though because while she’s busy being half-witted, I get some uninterrupted peace.
Ingredients (serves 6)
Pastry:
80g coconut oil
150g spelt flour
35g dessicated coconut
Pinch of sea salt
Roughly 6 tablespoons of cold water
Filling:
3 medium-sized bananas, sliced into 1cm pieces
2 eggs, beaten
50g coconut sugar
30g desiccated coconut
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
200ml double cream
1 teaspoon rum
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
To make the pastry, begin by cutting coconut oil into small cubes. Add this to the flour and desiccated coconut with a pinch of salt in a mixing bowl. Blend by hand until the mixture becomes crumbly. Add the cold water, mixing with a spoon. Remove the mixture from the bowl onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until you obtain a ball of pastry (if the mixture isn’t ‘sticky’ enough to form a ball, you may need a drop more water). Wrap in a clean cotton tea towel or some cling film and leave to ‘rest’ in the fridge for about two hours. This relaxes the dough and makes it easier to use.
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Roll out the pastry on a clean, lightly floured surface and fill the tart tin. Cook the pastry for 15 minutes. Arrange the bananas evenly over the surface of the pre-cooked tart. Add the eggs, coconut sugar, desiccated coconut, vanilla essence, cream, rum, cinnamon and nutmeg to a bowl and combine to create a homogenous mixture. Pour over the bananas and cook for 30 minutes, or until the filling is no longer wobbly. Delicious served either lukewarm or chilled.
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Peach pancakes and feeding frenzy
We have a neighbour’s dog to stay at the moment and also a new young horse, bought on the admittedly shaky premise that one can never have too many horses. As it’s very hot, I got up extra early this morning to feed/medicate/placate the animals and felt really rather virtuous. More fool me. I fed the foal, not forgetting his ‘growing horse’ supplement, extra virgin olive oil and generous application of sunblock to his nose, and gave the hens their corn. I then fed the dogs, each of which has a different food and quantity. Feeling quite proud at having fed 12 animals in under five minutes, I returned to the kitchen to prepare my own ‘feed’. Glancing out of the window, I saw the 31-year-old retiree, having appeared from nowhere, polishing off the foal’s feed; the foal was happily sharing the hens’ whole corn kernels, sun-blocked nose to the ground; Hugo was making impressive headway through the guest’s bowl; Java was inhaling Hugo’s ration, which left our poor guest who is far too polite to kick up a fuss, with a small bowl of puppy food. The moral of the anecdote is this: if you’re under the impression that you’ve been unusually quick and efficient, think again…
Ingredients (makes about 8 pancakes)
3 eggs, beaten
250ml almond milk (or normal milk)
100g ground almonds
150g spelt flour (or normal flour)
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
Pinch of sea salt
3 peaches, peeled and cut into rough cubes
1 teaspoon garam masala
Coconut oil for frying (you could use butter)
Mix the eggs with the milk. Sift the ground almonds, flour, bicarbonate of soda and salt together in a bowl and gradually add to the egg/milk mixture. Combine well and add the peaches and garam masala. Refrigerate for at least an hour. Heat a teaspoon of coconut oil in a frying pan and drop a large spoonful of pancake batter into the pan. Cook until golden brown, flip and repeat.
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Crab gratin and if it looks like a dog and barks like a dog…
…but eats like a human, then it’s probably Hugo.
I’m in splendid shape, but every year Bossy insists on taking me to visit the vet. She knows that I’m a force to be reckoned with when it comes to socialising with other animals, but she seems adamant on putting herself through the trauma. Upon arrival, I willingly led her – perhaps even dragged her if I’m entirely honest – to the door, which I only had to headbutt once to open. I then efficiently ushered her (again, if we’re being pedantic, ‘hauled her’ might be more accurate) to the reception desk, where I planted my front paws on the desk in a business-like manner. By this time, for some reason, Bossy was very red in the face. The vet is a nice lady and I gave her a big lick on the face to show that I felt no ill will towards her, even though she spent rather a long time prodding my private parts. When we were ready to leave, she told me that I had been a good boy (yeah, whatever) and gave me a dog biscuit. I mean, really? A dog biscuit? Who does she think I am? Camembert? Yes. Foie Gras? Yes. Dog biscuit? Err, not so much. Does she not know that I’m a foodie? Anyway, I spat it out onto the floor because I think it must have been a joke. Bossy by this time was even redder in the face and really quite flustered and tried to explain that I was off my food. What a liar! I’m not off normal food, just dog biscuits…
Ingredients (serves 4)
250g new potatoes, peeled, sliced and cooked
2 leeks, sliced and cooked
250g crabmeat (I used tinned)
150g sweetcorn
1 large spring onion, finely sliced
150ml pouring cream
Sea salt and freshly-ground black pepper
1 teaspoon chilli powder (optional)
100g hard cheese, grated (I used Comté)
Fresh parsley to garnish
Preheat the grill. Place the potatoes, leeks, crabmeat, sweetcorn and onion together in an oven-proof dish and then add the cream and seasoning. Mix well and sprinkle the grated cheese on top. Cook under the grill until the cheese is bubbling and golden (about eight minutes). Garnish with the fresh parsley before serving. -
Ratatouille and pride and prejudice
To start with, pride: Léo won his singles tennis match and his team were runners up in the tournament finals on Sunday, winning a silver cup for their valiant efforts. Had there been a cup for mothers who, against all odds, almost manage to keep their mouths shut, it would certainly have gone to me. The only thing to pass my lips was a discreet ‘make him run – he’s heavy’ (oh the shame!). It appears that I’m not the only one to suffer from Tournament Tourettes though; one boy’s mother was escorted off the court by an official for her loud and unsolicited ‘advice’ and ‘support’. Can you imagine? The cheek of the woman…
On to prejudice: Java keeps presenting me with her own prizes – body parts of a dead rabbit. So far today, I’ve been offered two legs (separately) and the head. She’s obviously just a dog doing doggie things, but instead of congratulating her on her hunting prowess, I am overcome by human bigotry and flee, screaming instructions (sensing a theme here?) at Luc to get rid of anything in the vicinity that is furry and dead. I might have to seek Hugo’s advice on how best to broach this with Java.
The word ratatouille comes from ‘touiller’, which means to stir or mix and the recipe originates from Nice in the South of France. There are many different versions, and I prefer mine to be light on tomato, heavy on red onion and garlic and cooked al dente.
Ingredients (serves 4)
100ml olive oil
1 red onion, chopped
2 spring onions, sliced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 tomatoes, peeled and roughly chopped
1 red pepper, sliced
1 fennel, sliced
1 large courgette, peeled and cut into cubes
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
½ teaspoon Espelette pepper or paprika
Parsley or basil leaves to garnish
Heat the olive oil over a medium heat in a large cast iron pan. Add the onions and garlic and heat until softened. Add the tomato, pepper, fennel, courgette and seasoning, cover and leave to simmer over a medium heat, stirring occasionally for about 20 minutes or until the vegetables are softened, but not overcooked. Add the garnish before serving.