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Spicy almond and raisin biscuits (gf) and being knocked senseless
What do Hugo and a large buzzard have in common? The answer is they both have raging headaches. Hugo’s favourite thing in the world, other than mature camembert, is to jump into cars through their open windows. Much to the post lady’s dismay, he quite often ends up sitting on a massive pile of post in the passenger seat of the van. She has a tricky job explaining why the letters and parcels she delivers are covered in dog hair and paw prints. The other day though, the window was closed. Poor Hugo, who had taken a long and powerful run up, head butted the pane with a resounding thud and fell to the ground where he stayed knocked senseless. It was a good few minutes before he shook himself off and looked around to check that nobody had witnessed the fiasco. The next day, an impressive-looking buzzard did the same thing into one of our kitchen windows. It fell to the ground and staggered around a bit, before deciding to sit down and wait for the head spinning to pass. I did go out to offer a cup of tea and painkiller, as I had done with Hugo, but it just snarled at me, which I thought was a bit rich in view of the fact that it had come very close to smashing my kitchen window to smithereens.
Yesterday 52% of voters in Britain had apparently also had the sense knocked out of them. A sad day indeed for Britain and for Europe.
Ingredients (makes 25-30 biscuits)
125g millet flour (or normal flour is you prefer)
50g ground almonds
50g oat flakes
½ teaspoon ginger powder
½ teaspoon cinnamon powder
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
40g raisins
25g chopped or flaked almonds
80g cane sugar
100ml olive oil
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, beaten
Mix the flour, spices, raisins, almonds, oats, spices, bicarbonate of soda, raisins, almonds and sugar in a bowl and set aside. Whisk the olive oil, vanilla and eggs together and add to the dry mixture. Mix thoroughly and roll into a sausage shape, roughly 5cm thick. Refrigerate for several hours or even overnight.
Preheat the oven to 190°C. Cut the dough into slices of just under a centimetre and space out onto a greased baking sheet. Cook for 12 minutes and leave to cool. -
Raspberry cheesecake tarts (gf) and pedalling is the way forward
Home bears a close resemblance to an Accident and Emergency Unit at the moment. To start with, no fewer than 25% of the human knees here are toast. Burnt toast in fact. One knee belongs to The Tall One, and the other belongs to a friend who is staying with us. Both bad knees are as a result of interaction with horses; I have made my point and will say no more on the matter. The butcher told the Tall One that cycling was excellent for the sort of knee injury he has, which means that he pedals absolutely everywhere, even when pushing (or pulling) his friend’s wheelchair. Never mind the knee, what about his sanity?
Bossy has a broken little toe, but since little toes don’t count, I consider her disproportionate cursing when she hits it to be melodrama. A mild dose of laryngitis on the other hand wouldn’t go amiss. Nothing painful you understand, just enough for her to stop talking – or verbalising as the Noisy One says – for a bit.
Moving on with the inventory, Java has a sore foot due to an impaled pine needle. Big deal – I have those nearly every day. You wouldn’t believe the fuss she made. We were all witness to her pathetic crying, whimpering and exaggerated limping for hours. Also, she keeps vomiting because she steals and eats raw eggs. I have tried to explain that lightly-poached eggs (as opposed to fully-poached in this case) are far more digestible than raw, but I’m afraid it falls on deaf ears. As for me, I have developed tinnitus and migraines because I have to sleep between two snoring girl dogs. Ladylike they are not.
On to the volatiles, I’m a little concerned about one of the hens because she has been trying, unsuccessfully, to lay an egg for over two weeks. I think she might have an intestinal blockage. Either that, or a brain blockage, something I certainly wouldn’t rule out. Another of the hens has a very nasty-looking foot and the Tall One says she’ll probably die soon, but whoever died from a bad foot? I think it’s wishful thinking on his part because he’s irritated that she only ever lays an egg once in a blue moon. A couple of swallows have built their nest on the spotlight above the front door. Every time the spotlight comes on, they fly out crossly wiggling their singed bottoms. How many times do they have to be burnt before they realise they should relocate? How many shades of stupid can a swallow actually be?
These tarts are nothing to write home about in my opinion, but they seem to make Bossy happy, so here you are.
Ingredients for pastry (makes about six tarts)
75g buckwheat flour
35g coconut flour
30g butter
30g coconut oil
½ teaspoon powdered ginger
Pinch of sea salt
Roughly 6 tablespoons of cold water
Ingredients for ‘cheesecake’ filling
250g mascarpone cheese
Juice of half a lemon
3 tablespoons raspberry jam
100g fresh raspberries
2 tablespoons desiccated coconut
To make the pastry, begin by cutting the butter and coconut oil into small cubes. Add to the flours and a pinch of salt in a mixing bowl. Blend by hand until the mixture becomes crumbly. Add the cold water, mixing rapidly with a spoon. Remove the mixture from the bowl onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until you obtain a ball of pastry (if the mixture isn’t ‘sticky’ enough to form a ball, you may need a drop more water). Wrap in a clean cotton tea towel or some cling film and leave to ‘rest’ in the fridge for about two hours. This relaxes the dough and makes it easier to use.
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Roll out the pastry on a clean, lightly floured surface and fill the tart tins. Bear in mind that buckwheat and coconut flour pastry is extremely crumbly as it contains no gluten to ‘stick’ it together. You’ll probably need to patch and press the pastry into the tins as opposed to just cutting and placing it in as you would with normal pastry. Cook the pastry cases for 15 minutes.
Blend all of the ‘cheesecake’ ingredients together well, keeping a few raspberries aside for garnish. Fill the precooked tart cases and decorate the tops with the set-aside raspberries. Chill for at least an hour before serving. -
Peanut anzac biscuits and a civilised sofa and its contents
This is a sofa. It is a pretty, clean sofa for humans. This is Hugo the big black dog. He is a naughty dog. This is Java the little speckled dog. She is also a naughty dog. Hugo does not like Java to join him on the sofa. Hugo kicks Java. He growls at Java. Poor little Java. She is sad. Hugo can be a sadistic son of a bitch at times.
Ingredients (makes 16-20)
125g spelt flour
100g desiccated coconut
40g raisins
100g rolled oats
Tablespoon chia seeds (optional)
150g unsalted peanuts
Pinch of sea salt
75g coconut oil
50g butter
80g honey
½ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Prepare and grease two baking trays. Combine the flour, coconut, raisins, oats, chia seeds, peanuts and salt in a large mixing bowl. Gently melt the coconut oil, butter and honey in a small saucepan and stir until smooth. Dissolve the bicarbonate of soda in two tablespoons of boiling water. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and combine well.
Roll walnut-sized pieces of dough into balls and place on the baking trays, leaving space between each ball. Flatten them slightly and bake for 15 minutes until golden brown. Allow to cool before serving. -
Buckwheat chocolate cake (gf) and unfettered ambitions
My latest goal in life is to photograph Hugo and Java together, at the same time, in the same place and, if at all possible, sitting still. Never let it be said that I lack ambition. I recently told Hugo — well asked really; Hugo isn’t the sort of dog you order about — to sit while I took a photo of him. Since then, the moment he catches a glimpse of a camera lens he sits and tilts his head just enough to do his profile justice. I think he may be the reincarnation of one of Pavlov’s dogs. Java, on the other hand, not so much. Once she’s outside, under no circumstances does she ‘do’ sitting. Or even standing still. So I have one unnaturally static dog pouting into the camera and flaunting his best side like a runway model who’s just tossed her cookies, and the other who is nothing but a distant white blur. I have a feeling that I set the bar pretty high for myself, because so far all I’ve managed are these: The Pout and The Blur.
This cake, on the other hand, was a great success. Inspired from a David Lobowitz recipe, it really is one of the lightest, most delicious chocolate cakes ever…
Ingredients (10 servings)
170g dark chocolate (minimum 70% cocoa)
115g coconut oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon rum (optional)
4 eggs, separated
100g cane sugar
100ml plain yoghurt
70g ground almonds (you could substitute ground hazelnuts)
40g buckwheat flour
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
Preheat the oven to 180ºC and prepare a medium-sized loaf tin. Melt the chocolate and coconut oil until smooth and add the vanilla extract and rum. Whisk the egg yolks, sugar and yogurt until light and smooth and then combine with the melted chocolate/coconut oil. Mix the ground almonds, buckwheat flour, salt and bicarbonate of soda together and then combine well with the egg yolk and chocolate mixture. Whisk the egg whites until they form soft peaks and gently but thoroughly fold into the chocolate mixture. Pour the mixture into the loaf tin and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from the tin and leave to cool. Delicious served alone or with Greek yoghurt or ice cream.
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Crab avocado and playing chicken
Once again I find myself at my wits’ end. The Spring is a very busy time for me as I’m out every night until at least midnight escorting invaders off the premises. There are so many animals coming out of hibernation in a foggy daze, having forgotten who’s boss and needing to be reminded of their boundaries. I actually think I’m being charitable; they’re probably not in a six-month sleep-induced daze at all, they’re just disrespectful, trespassing hooligans. As if this isn’t enough for my nerves to contend with, Java, having finally understood that she must eat neither the hens nor their eggs, has decided that she should play with them instead. I suppose her rationale (if she’s capable of such a thing) is that they must be useful for something (er, Java have you and the hens actually met?). Of course, this makes them screech, which in turn makes Bossy screech and the general mayhem is such that I can’t catch up on my sleep. I sometimes think it’s a shame that dogs don’t hibernate…
Ingredients (serves 4)
1 tablespoon Greek yoghurt
1 teaspoon lemon juice, freshly squeezed
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 clove garlic, crushed
½ teaspoon chilli powder
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
100g white crabmeat (I used tinned)
2 ripe avocados, cut in half with the stone removed
5 basil leaves, shredded
Combine the yoghurt, lemon juice, mustard, garlic and seasoning in a small bowl. Add the crabmeat and mix well. Fill all four of the avocado halves with the crab mixture, scatter with the basil leaves and serve. Makes a delicious starter. -
Waldorf salad and committed to film
Java has a new Favourite Thing: Rolling around energetically on the grass (or even better, mud) next to a fast-flowing river with high banks until ‘accidentally’ ending up in the water with a back flip. Rince and repeat ad infinitum. The first time she did it, Hugo looked on quizzically and I thought that he was probably thinking ‘OMG what an absolute tool – whatever next?’ But I misjudged him; he watched her do it a few times to study her technique and then got down and did it himself. It was most out of character, but very amusing and I couldn’t drag them away. He did stop rather abruptly though as soon as I got my ‘phone out to video them. He obviously wasn’t prepared for his frivolousness to be committed to film, although he didn’t seem to object to Java making a spectacle of herself.
Ingredients (serves 2)
200g celery, chopped into 1cm chunks
100g apple, cut into cubes
50g walnuts, roughly chopped
1 small red onion, sliced and chopped
1 head of chicory, chopped
10g flat parsley, chopped
For the dressing:
50g natural yoghurt
1 teaspoon mustard
Juice of half a lemon
Clove of garlic, crushed (optional)
Sea salt and freshly-ground black pepper
Paprika to taste
Combine the celery, apple, walnuts, onion, chicory and parsley in a medium-sized salad bowl and mix. Make the dressing by whisking together the yoghurt, mustard and lemon and then adding the garlic and seasoning. Drizzle over the salad, mix and serve! -
Chicken and coconut curry and gastronomy courses for dogs
I seem to remember Bossy writing a post about my food preferences recently. I don’t always read what she writes because I often find her anecdotes too irritatingly trivial for words. Unfortunately I did read this and my response is: I’m not a whingeing fusspot, I’m discerning. Please learn the difference. My palate is refined and subtle and I won’t be fobbed off with any old food, unlike some dogs I know whose names begin with ‘J’. I’m currently looking into gastronomic appreciation courses for ‘J’ because her lack of taste is beginning to depress me. It’s difficult to live with someone with so little culinary culture, or any other culture for that matter.
Bossy and Noisy went on holiday for a few days recently, not that I’m familiar with the concept of holidays, never having had one *woeful and exploited doggy sigh*. The Tall One is easier to
manipulatenegotiate with than Bossy and the leftovers are far more appealing as he doesn’t eat anything green or strange when she’s away. Also, he doesn’t know that I’m supposed to have vitamins added to my food, so that’s one less battle to fight. All in all we had a very peaceful time and even ended up by agreeing on the best camembert to buy. Result!I’d better go now – Bossy is uttering very naughty words because she just unloaded the washing machine to discover that one of Noisy’s pockets was stuffed full of popcorn. I’ll leave the state of Bossy’s nerves and the inside of the washing machine to your imagination…
Ingredients (serves 4)
1 tablespoon coconut oil
2 red onions, peeled and sliced
2 cloves garlic, crushed1kg chicken legs and thighs, skinned
1 red pepper, sliced
4 carrots, peeled and cut into rounds
1 tablespoon fresh ginger, grated
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
2 teaspoons coriander seeds
1 stick cinnamon
2 teaspoons curry powder
3 kaffir lime leaves
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
400ml coconut milk
Preheat the oven to 150°C. Heat the coconut oil in a medium-sized casserole dish or dutch oven and soften the onions and garlic. Add the chicken pieces, frying for a few minutes on each side and then add the pepper and carrots. Add the spices and seasoning and continue to brown for a few more minutes. Finally add the coconut milk, bring to a simmer and cook in the oven for at least an hour. It may be left for longer, in which case you may need to add a bit of water or stock.
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Honey mustard chicken and lots of beefing
I don’t know whether it’s a January thing, but I’m surrounded by whingers. First there’s Léo who says I should take a leaf from his grandmother’s book and buy him clothes that are big enough. According to his theory, I refuse to buy him bigger clothes because I don’t want him to grow up. He might have a point – there’s something very disconcerting about rollicking a 6ft tall 13-year-old. But to be honest I think it’s more to do with the fact that clothes shopping turns me into a perspiring, hyperventilating, irascible wreck. Even more so than usual. You know those parents that complain that their teenagers don’t talk to them? Well that’s not me; mine talks to me in spades and the words are incisive and abundant. I’m preparing myself for further stories of woe about freezing-cold ankles and wrists.
And then there’s Hugo who is displeased with his new food. As you might imagine, he’s not subtle in his revulsion and sneers at his bowl before leading us to the cupboard in search of something more palatable. He is also very put out by the fact that we prefer he lie on his bed than the sofas and, to top it all off, is quite underwhelmed by our new choice of camembert.
On the other hand there’s little Java. I bought her a new collar and, if her look was anything to go by, I don’t think the colour can have been her absolute favourite. But did she go on and on about it? No, she graciously refrained from chewing it to bits and quickly moved on to other things. Oh the joys of the innate Attention Deficit Disorder of young English setters!
This dish is very easy and very delicious, perhaps even more so as I used my husband’s rather expensive, fragrant honey. Anyway, we won’t dwell on that or I’ll be in for another ticking-off. Mind you, it’ll be water off a duck’s back because I’m about to invest in some heavy-duty earplugs.Ingredients (serves 4)
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 clove of garlic, crushed
1 teaspoon paprika
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
8 chicken thighs, skins removedPreheat the oven to 180°C. In a small saucepan over a gentle heat, whisk together the mustard, honey and olive oil. Add the garlic and seasoning, mixing well.
Arrange the chicken thighs in an oven-proof dish and pour the sauce over the top, making sure that the thighs are well covered. Bake for abour 45 minutes or until the sauce begins to caramelise. I serve this with mushroom risotto and a green salad. -
Sole with lemon garlic sauce and a mouse in the house part II
I’ve often noticed that my version and Bossy’s version of anecdotes are quite different. I felt that Bossy’s account of the mouse in the house story (she was touchingly proud of her childish rhyme) was a bit scornful with regard to my skills as a guard dog. This is unfair because I’m an excellent, very intimidating guard dog and to suggest otherwise is just wrong. Any animal on the premises is here with my permission. Bossy’s suspicion that Java and I invited the mouse into the house isn’t too far off the mark as it happens. We didn’t actually invite him in, we came across him in the kitchen, surreptitiously hanging out near the fridge. It was then that I decided he could be very useful. For a while, my keen sense of smell has been telling me that there are goodies lurking under the fridge – cheese rinds mostly – which doesn’t say much for Bossy’s housekeeping skills *snigger*. I have tried in vain to reach them with my paws, and even resorted to asking Java and her spindly little paws for help. Although they may seem like annoying, pointless little animals, mice do have their uses. For example they can almost completely flatten their bodies, which is very handy when you need them to slide under white goods. For the time being, the kitchen is a cheese rind-free zone, but I’m keeping a close watch to summon my illicit worker back if need be. Never let it be said that I’m not resourceful!
Ingredients (serves 4)
4 lemon sole filets (about 150g each)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons flour (I used rye flour)
20g butter
200ml milk
½ lemon, juiced
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
Handful of flat parsley leaves, chopped
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat the grill and place the fish on the grill pan lightly coated in olive oil. Place the flour, butter, lemon juice, garlic and milk in a small saucepan and heat gently, whisking constantly. Cook until the texture becomes smooth and uniform and then add the chopped parsley leaves and seasoning. Continue to heat for a couple more minutes, stirring well. Cook the fish under the grill for about five minutes on each side. Serve with the sauce on the side. -
Apple and blueberry buckwheat cake and a mouse in the house
The New Year brought an uninvited house guest: A mouse. At least I think he was uninvited. Maybe one of the dogs coaxed him in to annoy me. Not that I really have anything against him, in fact he’s quite sweet. But I admit I was rather taken aback this morning when I found him trying to chew his way through the top of my multivitamins. I tried to persuade him to leave, but he tilted his head to one side and looked at me quizzically as if to say ‘and your problem with me necking your vitamins is?’. I appealed to the dogs for some backup, but Hugo just sighed loudly and gave me a slightly contemptuous look that definitely said ‘wha’ever’. And Java, bless her, did her funny cross-eyed thing because the mouse is so small that I suspect she could hardly see it. In the meantime, the little rascal is making impressive headway through my vitamins and I’m afraid he’s going to end up the size of a small cat. Still, at least if he does Java will finally see him and perhaps spring into action…
There is quite a lot in the news at the moment about the ‘Sirt Food Diet’. I don’t usually pay much attention to the multitude of faddy diet books that appears on a regular basis, but this one makes some sense, even to me. I particularly like that its main objective is healthy eating and that weight loss is just a by-product of that. And I know that it is effective because I’ve been eating these foods for a number of years (before it even had a name!). The Sirt Food diet is so-called because it involves consuming foods containing compounds known as sirtuin activators, which cause body fat to be burned and muscle mass to develop (what’s not to like?). Eating these foods increases metabolism and strengthens the immune system. Sirtuin activators include buckwheat, apples, onions, almonds, walnuts, citrus fruits, chocolate, red wine, turmeric and blueberries, which frankly makes this cake a Sirt Food dieter’s dream!
Ingredients (serves 8)
For the topping:
3 apples, peeled and cut into slices
75g blueberries
25g salted butter
2 tablespoons maple syrup
For the cake:
75g butter, cut into cubes
75g organic virgin coconut oil, cut into cubes
100g cane sugar
2 large free-range eggs, beaten
75g buckwheat flour
75g ground almonds
½ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Caramelise the apples in a little water, adding the butter and maple syrup once softened. Add the blueberries last . Set aside. Place the sugar, butter and coconut oil into a mixing bowl and cream until pale and fluffy. Gradually add the beaten eggs, adding a bit of flour if the mixture begins to curdle. Continue to beat the mixture until fluffy. Fold in the remaining flour, ground almonds, baking powder and cinnamon.
Transfer the apple and blueberry mixture into the bottom of a greased bundt cake mould (I use a silicon one), levelling well with the back of a spoon. Then pour the cake mixture over the top. Bake for about 40 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool. Delicious served with Greek yoghurt.