Méli-mélo mushroom pie and holding the straight line

My new functional mushroom page

I am very enthusiastic about mushrooms at the moment, which explains this méli-mélo mushroom pie, and also my new page on functional mushrooms. Please take a look!

Luc has fixed ideas about how a shopping caddy should be filled, emptied onto the conveyor belt, and transferred into bags. And also about how the surrounding people in the shop should behave while he is performing these actions. My charitable self thinks this is very useful as I have no brain space whatsoever dedicated to these matters; my uncharitable self thinks he’s a bit of a pain in the arse about it.

During our last shopping trip, the cashier watched him scold the lady behind us in the queue for ‘conveyor belt harassment’, only to be scolded herself a few seconds later for disrespect towards his orderly packing. I just stood by, watching, enjoying my bubbling-up internal hysterics. As we were leaving, the cashier said to me: ‘I’m willing to bet you don’t ever get bored!’

Gentle insanity

On the subject of gentle insanity, it struck me the other day that visiting neighbours, at least our neighbours, is not something for the faint-hearted. One neighbour greeted me recently with an enormous hammer in her hand. When I pointed out that the hammer was unnerving, she said: ‘you’ll be fine as long as you don’t annoy me!’ I held a long conversation with another neighbour who was wielding an idling chainsaw, and yet another neighbour swung for Luc (who ducked successfully) and ended up on his knees.

I morphed into an annoying mechanical wind-up toy

I am only able to walk in very straight lines for the time-being. After a three-year hiatus, I went skiing last week with Léo, in our favourite Pyrenees resort. My ski boots were too loose for optimum control (according to the ski-hire man, my calves are unusually dainty compared with my big feet), which was fine until it wasn’t. On a steep icy run, I ended up going head over ski, and poor Léo had to extricate my limbs and skis from improbably chaotic positions. (Funnily enough, I opened The Times this morning to an article entitled ‘Skiing: Should you give it up at 50?‘).

When I eventually managed to stand up and put my skis back on, I realised that I could only ski in straight lines (I later found out I had injured the cross ligaments in my knee). As we were as far from the hotel as we could possibly be, this made for a long, straight, torturous trek back. Now, with my leg in a splint, I can only walk in straight lines, like one of those noisy mechanical wind-up children’s toys that you have to physically pick up to turn in another direction, or a city-dwelling pigeon. Why do pigeons in towns always walk, really fast, in unnaturally straight lines? My current ambition is to be able to navigate corners within a month or so. The bar is low.

Recipe for méli-mélo mushroom pie (serves 6)

• 400g puff pastry (here is my recipe)
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• 30g butter
• 2 shallots, chopped
• 700 grams mixed fresh mushrooms (I used shiitake, porcini, pleurote and button mushrooms in equal parts), roughly chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, chopped
• 2 teaspoons fresh sage, thyme and parsley, chopped
• Freshly ground black pepper and sea salt
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 100 ml dry white wine
• 150mg crème fraîche

Preheat the oven to 200°C. Line a 25cm non-stick tart tin with the pastry, setting aside enough pastry to make a top.

Heat the olive oil and butter in a large frying pan and add the shallots and mushrooms. Cover and leave to cook for about 15 minutes, or until the mushrooms have softened, then add the garlic and seasoning and set aside. Add the white wine to deglaze and then the crème fraîche, mixing well.

Distribute the mushroom mixture on the pastry in the lined tart tin, cover the tart with the pastry top and brush with egg yolk. Cook for 25 minutes. Delicious served hot or cold!