Gin and tonic, and have I found my calling?

I am writing today in my capacity as a biomedical research scientist. I think I may have found the perfect antidote to Covid-19:

Gin is made from juniper berries, which are full of inflammation-fighting antioxidants. The oils in juniper berries are expectorant, which helps reduce lung congestion. Gin and tonic was found in a study to be the best, or at least the least toxic, drink for diabetics. Ergo gin is practically a superfood, innit.

On to tonic water: Quinine is a zinc ionophore, which means that it helps zinc pass the cell membrane barrier and enter the cell where it fights the virus.

The lemon slice is not only a good source of vitamin C, but also potassium and magnesium.

Cashew nuts are packed with protein, zinc, potassium and magnesium. They also contain B vitamins and vitamin C; they’re basically an antiviral nut!

The benefits of nicotine are being studied at the Pitié Salpêtrière Hospital in Paris after it was noticed that smokers were four times less affected by Covid-19 than non-smokers. It is thought that nicotine might attach to cell receptors, blocking the coronavirus from spreading. In the meantime, sales of nicotine patches in pharmacies in France are being rationed. Watch this space!

Last, but by no means least, enjoy your drink in the sun, if you can. Sun exposure (without burning) is the best and fastest way to increase your vitamin D levels, which are absolutely crucial when it comes to fighting viruses.

Admit it – I’ve nailed it haven’t I?